I am standing on your hand. Stealing your heart.

And then dad gets really happy and there is an explosion. Dad has a lot of seed and these race to see which reaches mom's egg. This is called making love. And until you did that, you are called a virgin. -I see. So, then what is extra virgin?

Answer on a blonde's Geometry test. Find x - there it is. Duh.

My cat was talking to my dog the other day: I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god.

Canada sign: extreme fire hazard. Don't even fart in the forest.

This is my moment. Any minute now, Kate's gonna be so proud. And the winner is ... play it cool, Leo. Don't let them see you cry. Hold it together, Leo. Blink back the tears.

Didn't expect to get this far. Could I have a moment of your time to talk about Jesus? Of course, come in. - What do we do now? - I don't know I never went this far.

This is piranha, kitty. It can eat you back. Oh, it can.

Turkey's protest. Eat ham.

There is always that one friend.

You are going to post this on facebook, aren't you? Oh, no. You may also put it on Pinterest too.

Friend said he picked up some girl at work today

I love you too, tiny human

Right, we picked up the gold and the myrrh. What on earth is that?

Deforestation. Nobody cares, until you have to pee!

When is it okay to ask a woman if she is pregnant?

Christmas. The only time of the year in which one can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.

Along with antimatter and dark matter we have recently discovered the existence of 'Doesn't matter', which appears to have no effect on the Universe whatsoever.

I don't know if you've seen my bone, but it's sort of underground.

Teamwork. They are doing it right. Preparing for the party tonight.

Taking a test. It did not look hard at all.