Upgrading your service? I can help you with that right away. Cancelling service? Let me transfer you to the department with a 70 minutes wait time.

The game is unbuilding a bear. Do you want to join me?

Be nice to fat people. One day they might save your life.

Meanwhile, at North Pole. Personally, I think global warming has got a heck of a lot to answer for!

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate myself.

As much as I'd like to be a cool husky, I guess I'm still a pug.

Explain this now ! Why do you wear the same outfit as me?

Politicians. Before and after elections. It's all about the finger.

Be brave and run like hell

Googled: King of the internet. Wasn't disappointed.

If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say: Now you're super mad! If the laugh, marry them.

That awkward moment.

At our age swimming is dangerous. Lifeguards don't try as hard.

- Hey, taxi ! -Hey, pedestrian! Just saying Hey

This is what they really mean.

I refuse to become a nugget.

Hi, we understand you are 40 and still not married.

Thank you for driving carefully through the village.

After Christmas Party

My cat and dog meeting for the first time. Good dog, good dog ! No bites, okay?

Oh, the future looks bright today. Well, not that bright actually...