Apparently the Spanish version of signs have to have a mustache.

My toothbrush. Sometimes it feels that it has the worst job in the world. Didn't check the other guy.

Facebook. It's like a jail. You sit around, waste time, have a profile picture, write on walls and get poked by guys you don't really know.

Her directions are very important - In the event of a crash, some of you will die over here, some of you will die over there

He really means it. You will never sleep in again. Like a boss.

My girlfriend and I at my place. She's doing her makeup in my bed, playing with her gum in my bed, eating a meal in my bed. At her place - Don't sit on my bed with your dirty jeans !

Running to get some exercise. How it should be: 2 minutes warm-up, 40 minutes running. How it really is: 2 minutes running, 40 minutes trying to catch up my breath while I accept the fact that I'll be the first one to die if a zombie apocalypse comes

Did you ever wonder, who takes these photos ? Drones. They have drones now.

Where is this going ? Then. Now. Soon. So true.

- I feel horrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment. - Your eyesight is near perfect.

Do you want to take a bath, kitty? Nope.

At last, my time-freeze machine is complete. The ability to stop time, no longer just a fantasy. I will be able to do so much more with my lifetime. It's working ! Yes ! Yeees! ...

Raid kills all insects. All of them. Wait, is that Spider-man ?

Why nobody thought to send these guys to the Olympics? They would bring all the Gold.

- Mom, had you had a lot of boyfriends ? - Eh, I guess so. But I broke up with nearly all of them. So, that made me think maybe I don't like men. Maybe I like women. But then I realized... I don't like anyone ! Your father and I hate people together.

You told me you'd spend your whole life trying to make me happy. I didn't expect to live this long.

A seal walks into a club ...

No target shooting. Come on guys! Really ?

Run ! Save yourself ! I can't hold him back much longer ...

Made in China. Made in Germany.

Nice purse ! Thanks. It's my ex-husband.