So like. Which one is closer, Chicago or the Moon? - Well, duh. You can see the moon.

- What's on your mind, little turtle ? - World domination.

To Err is human. To Arr is pirate.

Growing up sucks.

I'm getting hungry. - Hello, womb service? I'd like a double order of hot wings. - Honey, wake up. I'm dying for some hot wings. - But it'a three in the morning. - I love womb service, it never closes.

Backache relieve. Why is this on the bottom self?

This is how I sit when I start using the computer. This is five minutes later.

Santa Claus doesn't exist. But I can't read, so it's okay.

This dog thinks he's got it all. - I have a minigun. - We have a vacuum cleaner.

I have no idea what happened here. It just exploded or something. Don't know.

Can't find a blankie ... Can I use you? Ok, thanks.

Girlfriends in mall. Wow, 50% sale ! Boyfriends in malls.

Dear, you have got to start eating out of a different parking lot.

English, it's not for everyone. Tell him that.

Whenever I get mad at you, you never seem to get upset. How do you manage to control your temper? - I just go and lean to toilet. - How does that help? -I use your toothbrush.

This man knows what he's doing. New seat-belt: 45% less car accidents!

- Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? -It's a banana. -What's up?

Where is this button on facebook? I'd use it a lot.

You don't want to play against this cat.

Bed and breakfast. We all love it.

I am standing on your hand. Stealing your heart.